Just before the new moon in July, I had a free 15 minute consultation with an intuitive named Amber Annette. She is awesome and immediately tapped into my inner healer. (If you are not sure about the direction you want to take in your life, I highly recommend a session with her. Check the end of this post for her contact info.)
Basically, though, I knew that my new moon intention had to be the following: FIND MY AUTHENTIC VOICE. Do not stop, do not give up until I find it.
And in the process, I feel as if I have been dragged through burning coals, sung to by 1000 angels, thrown down some very dark holes (from which I crawled out by my fingernails), and stared directly into the sun. For a while I was fully blinded, until I surrendered into it. But then I could see things differently.
The truth is, the last two weeks of July were two of the hardest in my whole life. Part of that was my own fault, that I did not stop DOING to just let things BE. There were times that breathing took effort. Cooking was a chore. Aside from a bike ride on the Bay and a day at the beach with the kids, there was no time in nature. This had to happen in the space I have created for myself. I did make sure I had 10 minutes of meditation time as well as some joyful movement each morning, and that helped a lot. But at times I felt like I was dying. I think this must be how a caterpillar feels just before emerging as a butterfly.
I did not feel alone, per se, but this was a vision quest where only I could dig ever deeper into my purpose on the planet. Why am I here? What the hell is my purpose anyway? Who am I? How can my voice best serve people and those whom I love, heal others without draining from myself? What is my authentic truth, and how do I translate that into my authentic voice in all areas of my life? As it will be written in the Akashic Records? So that I can stand my ground as a healer and a woman and a mother, fully embodied in every moment? And still make a living, always with integrity and in alignment?
Show me the money
Then, on the full moon, I experienced a revelation that reset my system and lit me up.
I realized that although I started off on a more conscientious path in my teens and early 20s, I have been terrible at managing my money since 1997, when I came into a moderate family inheritance.
For 18 years, I have had a dysfunctional relationship with my money. Times of abundance brought guilt and responsibility, a social consciousness and awareness that I should use the money in part to help others, but not knowing where to start. Times of scarcity brought stress and martyrdom, working myself to the bone in an attempt to bring stability. Riding the waves of financial freedom, then feeling dragged under them by the weight of debts owed. There was seldom a middle ground.
This was all so huge. There was no judgment. I flooded myself with self-forgiveness and love. Acknowledgment and accountability brought a lightness to my soul.
So then I fastened my proverbial seat belt, created a bunch of spreadsheets, and happily started trading services with a financial advisor, who has brought some sanity and solutions to my financial health. Working with her is helping me heal my relationship with money, which in turn is nourishing every other aspect of my being and my life — my family, my business, my clients, and my physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.
Money as healer
How many of us, especially those of us living in the Silicon Valley, the most expensive housing market in the U.S., stress about finances on a weekly basis? On a daily basis? Do you worry about housing and taxes and groceries and college for the kids? Do you fantasize about what “financial freedom” might mean for you and your loved ones?
And for those of your making over $160,000/year, which is about what it takes for a family of 4 to live here comfortably, do you also think about how to make a positive difference with your abundance? Do you wonder where to invest your money without profiting on the backs of others, finding companies, organizations, and people that won’t harm the environment or its people and that align with your own personal values?
Money is complicated.
It’s also a potent healing force.
In his groundbreaking book, Money can Heal, Siegfried E. Finser explores the relationships and interconnectedness of money and the soul. Explaining the differences between buying/selling, borrowing/lending, and giving/receiving, he maintains that although economic value is really just an illusion that we have created, we can use money to not only heal what is wrong with our world but also to create positive, meaningful relationships with one another on a global scale.
Just like working with the financial advisor, reading Money can Heal has transformed my relationship with money. It has transfused my financial health with a new consciousness and awareness and removed the “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” negativity of guilt, shame, and distress that often accompanied the economic transactions of my daily life.
The concept of “health” transcends so many different levels. Being “healthy” doesn’t just mean eating real food, moving joyfully, and getting lots of sleep. It means honoring who you are, the journey you’ve taken, and who you want to be — physically, emotionally, spiritually, occupationally, financially, and beyond.
How has your relationship with money affected your health and well being? I'd be honored if you'd share in the comments below.
You can learn more about Amber Annette at http://www.yourintuitiveceo.com/
To purchase a copy of Money can Heal, click here.