Listening to my Intuition Helped Me Kick Two Addictions When my Willpower Couldn’t
Jennifer Schmid
I’ve known for years that gluten is not my friend. The symptoms of my gluten intolerance have varied from everything from brain fog to bloating, but they are never quite severe enough for me to say ENOUGH. Although I attempt to “go gluten free” for 3-4 weeks at a time, usually while doing a cleanse, I come back to it, like that old friend who always gets you in trouble but seems like so much fun to be around in the moment.
After a short period of avoiding gluten, I usually start with something small, like one of my mom’s irresistible homemade chocolate chip cookies. These have always been comfort food to me, and in fact, several years ago when I was sick with E. coli, for which I eventually ended up in the local emergency room, they were the only thing I could eat without feeling nauseous! (Probably because they were filled with so much mama love. :)
Then after that initial bite, there is a potluck at a friend’s, and there are no gluten-free crackers for the dip, so I eat the wheat ones. Or a birthday party with cake. Or someone brings bagels and cream cheese to the office. Or I’ll be at a restaurant, and they bring to the table this incredibly warm and crusty rustic sourdough, onto which the butter melts perfectly, and I can’t resist.
I make up excuses like, “it’s organic, so it hasn’t been sprayed with Round Up.” Or, “I’ve already eaten gluten today, so it’s already in my system.” My attitude has always been the same – a little bit won’t hurt me.
And the next thing I know, I am eating gluten every single day. Sometimes a lot, not just a little. No matter how much I beg my willpower to help me, I can’t stay away. It doesn’t matter if I am constipated with boulders in my gut for 2 days, I break out in zits across my forehead, or I get a bellyache and gas that I try to hide with the fart fan in my bathroom.
I haven’t been able to stay away. I am addicted to gluten. And I’ve been addicted to gluten for pretty much my whole life.
Until now.
French Paradise
At the end of September, I had the opportunity to travel to Provence, France with my boyfriend and another couple. I hadn’t traveled abroad in almost 20 years and was SO excited.
I was excited for a lot of reasons – I’ve never been to Provence and the weather would be perfect; I’d get to see incredible sites, including the Van Gogh Carrières de Lumières; I’d be able to speak French again; I’d get to spend a week with my honey in a magical place; and most of all, I was excited about the FOOD.
In particular, I was excited about the bread.
I’ve heard so many stories from people who have major intolerance to gluten in the U.S., but then they go to Europe and are fine. So I thought, hey, I’ll be able to eat all the bread and pain au chocolat that I want! It’ll be amazing!
Uh, wrong.
After a week in France, eating baguettes and croissants all day, I was physically miserable. And when I say miserable, I mean that I was so constipated and bloated that I looked like I was six months pregnant. I’m surprised people didn’t ask me when my bundle of joy was due!
And this is when my intuition kicked in. After years of abusing my body, my intuition finally forced me to listen – literally – to my gut. My intuition said to me, “You do not deserve to be in pain like this. You have to stop now. I won’t let you give up. I will help you let go.”
And here’s the thing – in that moment, I didn’t feel like a failure. I didn’t feel shame for ignoring the messages of my body for so long. In the past, I used to give myself a hard time for giving into the gluten, knowing that it had a hold over me.
This time, I felt totally supported and loved – by me!! Through that love, I felt empowered and strong, and I knew that I would never need to eat gluten again. The desire was gone, completely overwhelmed by the self-love and light that my intuition shone upon me.
Kicking Addition #2
One of the most amazing effects of having given up gluten completely is how much my sleep has improved. As a nurse and naturopath, I knew intellectually that gluten could impact my blood sugar levels, but I never put the pieces together for myself that gluten was causing me to wake up at 3am almost every night, not able to fall back asleep sometimes for over an hour, if at all.
Just like with gluten, I can’t remember the last time that I have been able to go caffeine-free for more than a month or two at a time. Eventually, no matter how hard I try, the exhaustion kicks in, and I start drinking green tea, then progress to black tea, and then finally coffee.
Now, however, because I am sleeping so much better, I no longer need caffeine during the day. In fact, my body doesn’t want caffeine. As good as coffee smells when it’s being made, I drink one sip, and my body says NOPE. It tastes terrible, and I’m practically repulsed by it.
I used to feel my gut literally being torn apart by drinking coffee every day, but I could not overcome the physical need for the extra energy, so I would drink it anyway. Just as with gluten, I knew intellectually that my addiction to caffeine was hurting me, but I could not muster up the will and determination to say no.
I could not say no until my intuition stood up on my behalf to show me that it wasn’t a matter of willpower. It was a matter of love. The sheer force of the love I felt for myself by listening to my intuition was the missing piece. But I had to trust my intuition – which is really trusting my highest self.
What I’m discovering is that the more I listen to my intuition, the stronger and more empowered I feel. It’s incredible and a little bit scary at the same time, because it means setting boundaries that might make others uncomfortable.
That’s what so amazing, though – I’m no longer afraid to set those boundaries regardless of how negatively others might react because I know that those boundaries are for my highest good. It becomes an upward spiral. The more I listen to my intuition – my highest self – the stronger and more empowered I feel, and the healthier choices I can make for my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.
The possibilities are endless. (And a lot less bloated.)
Do you want to listen to your highest self, but aren’t sure where to start? Check out my Wellness Intensives here. We’ll use our intuition to tap into your inner voice.
Not done learning yet? Check out my video on Giving Up vs. Letting Go.
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